Greetings Hairballers,
With all the goings on in the world, I thought it was time to lighten up and take on our common enemy with a little monologue.
Enjoy and hairballs to them.
f
UP THE TELEMARKETER©
FMHorner
Hello?
Yes, this is
she.
I’m so glad
you called. I needed to talk to someone.
I’ve been terribly distressed ever since Edith had that incident on the sliding
board and broke her trombone. Well, it’s
more bent than broken. I told her she
was too big to fit on that thing. You
should have seen the dust fly when it collapsed, the slide not the trombone. It
looks more like a French horn now but Edith doesn’t know how to play one.
She’s thinking
of taking lessons rather than buying a new instrument. I told her that will probably cost more but
Edith says it will broaden her horizons.
She is the horizon given the size of her rear end but, of course, I
would never say that. Then you have to
add in the cost replacing the neighbor’s kids sliding board.
This whole
mess has cut into our bingo time. You
don’t play bingo, do you? No. Too bad.
You could replace Edith on Thursday afternoons.
Hold on,
that’s her on the call waiting.
Hello, Edith.
Oh my, he did,
you did, that’s awful.
Have a double
bourbon and lie down dear, it will calm your nerves.
I know it’s
only 2 o’clock in the afternoon, but this is a medical emergency. Call me when you wake up. I’m on the phone now with a nice young man
who can fix your trombone.
I’m back. That
was Edith. The music teacher said she
didn’t have a French horn, just a busted trombone. I could have told her that for free. She tried blowing through the mouthpiece to show
him and the bent slide thing flew off and smacked him upside the head. Knocked him out cold. Edith said he had a complete personality
change when he came to--started screaming at her to get out and waving his
arms.
She’s all
upset. Poor thing’s home swilling bourbon like there’s no tomorrow. Did I mention that Edith drinks?
Anyway, I told
her you could probably fix that trombone of hers.
You
can’t? You’re selling life
insurance? Well, why didn’t you say so?
I don’t need any but you might want to call that music teacher.
Bye now.