THE BITCH IN THE COMPUTER

Greetings Hairballers,

A Facebook friend recently asked for help when her MacBook started to talk, which brought to mind a similar experience I had last year.  I must admit to being slightly jealous because her disembodied voice sounded like Morgan Freeman, while mine was more Sarah Palin.

A bit of advice from the voice of experience:  Never, never set up your new Apple laptop, or any other brand, on the coffee table while watching a Yankee game.  If you feel a sneeze coming on, quickly remove your hands from the keyboard.  Otherwise, YOU will spend hours or days of frustration trying to figure out what you did.  Only computer geniuses and 10-year olds are immune.

Oh, and yes, I did give myself a Dumb Bastard Award.

Here’s my story--

 The Bitch in the Computer©

         FMHorner

are you the evil spawn

of snark-woman,

who dwells in the GPS?

or the disembodied voice

of my 5^th grade teacher,

Gertrude the Mad,

whose goal in life

was to drain

imagination from the young?

what key did I hit

that woke you

from slumber?

Is “go, go Robbie Cano,”

the, “open sesame,”

of Apple?

like Phafner,

though in less

sonorous tones,

you blathered on

telling me what

I must do

            #

oh, great MacBook,

never thought to

turn you off

just slammed

down your lid

with a mighty thud

and let the bitch

ramble on

under a sofa cushion

next day,

the moat dragon

at Best Buy

put a sticker

on your case,

turned and yelled

“Apple--

you got another talker”

Till next week--Hairballs to all,

f