The Day of Smartphone Hell

Greetings and Happy New Year Hairballers,

I’ve always prided myself on not being dependent on my smartphone.  After all, I’ve got the laptop for things such as email, Internet research and the book of face.  Was I in for a surprise when the phone went dead.

The Day of Smartphone Hell©

         FMHorner

My smartphone, Gladys,

chose Saturday morning or maybe Friday night

to have her near-dearth experience

we retired for the night fully charged

she on the shelf

me in the bed

sometime between sleep and waking

something had drained

her life force

now Gladys comes from the

Galaxy III of Samsung Tribe,

whose weak batteries are legend

but this time the phone was dead

no amount of shaking, plugging

and cursing worked

after standing around confused

as to how to check the weather

I had to turned on the TV

Weather - Smartphone dependency No. 1 identified

I couldn’t check the calendar

on the phone and

didn’t remember if I had engagements or not

Calendar - Smartphone dependency No. 2 identified

screw appointments, I was off to AT&T

but because I didn’t turn on the computer

to check the address, I got lost

after 17 U turns and driving through

neighborhoods I didn’t know existed

I arrived at my cell phone provider

GPS - Smartphone dependency No. 3 identified

someone, perhaps another customer,

suggested the problem was a dead battery,

which, of course, AT&T doesn’t sell (batteries dead or alive)

they pulled a battery out of a display model

and installed it temporarily--

diagnosis correct but not cured

I was then given directions

to Batteries Plus in the next town

where for $50, the phone was fixed

Gladys is back among the living

I don’t know if she went through a tunnel

saw the light, or was met by cell phones who had passed

I’m glad to have her once again at my side, but I’m angry

because these mobile phone providers have us by the

throat or the balls or whatever body part you prefer

My Samsung has become a money pit!

Hairballs to them,

f

P.S.  I know if that’s my only problem, I’m lucky.  I could be waiting for a crate of live lobsters lost by the airlines in a snowstorm! Hairballs to them too.