OoooooooMmmmmmmm

Greetings Hairballers,

All sorts of computer issues this week.  Think I have frequent flyers points at Office Depot.  Good news is the Mac is back.

Here's one of my old cartoons for now.  I'll write more later in the week.

Till later, Hairballs,
f

Dumb Bastard Award for November

Greeting Hairballers,

Here it is the first of December and time for the Dumb Bastard Award.  Ah, Thanksgiving and family gatherings, so many choices.

And the award goes to—The Anderson Family.

Newly engaged son, Jason, and his bride to be, Nicole, invited Jason’s Mom and Grandmother for Thanksgiving—turkey and all the trimmings.

Nicole, an accomplished pastry chef, made a cake to mark this special occasion. 

DA,DA,DA,DA! Moments before the arrival of Mom and Grandma, Raider, the dog, jumped up, took at big bite out of the cake and scurried under the table to enjoy his feast.

Ever resourceful, Jason trimmed out the teeth marks and served the cake anyway.  Poor Nicole, her beautiful confection now looked like it had been attacked by a back hoe.

Welcome to the Anderson family, Nicole.  At least your Thanksgiving didn’t include a drunken uncle or political drama.

Hairballs to you Raider.

f

The Wardrobe Shuffle©

Greetings Hairballers,

         While I know that many of you are up North freezing, we are just getting some of that cold Canadian air we’ve wanted all summer.  Spent two days with clothes covering every surface in my apartment trying to sort it out--goes to the Army of Salvation, the homeless, the trash, etc.  Funny how in just one season clothes wear out or become too small or too big.

The Wardrobe Shuffle©

         FMHorner             

It came as a surprise

or maybe a shock

that after decamping

from the North

I’d have to change

over my clothes

something I’d been doing

all my life

ah, Florida, I thought

I’d live in shorts and sandals

but no, after nine months

of unrelenting heat

I must rummage in those

under-the-bed bins

for socks and long sleeves,

a sweater and slacks

my trunk, Alberta,

holds the bulk of cold weather things

named for that province in Canada

reminiscent of the North Pole

the sun’s still shining

but it’s not 90 degrees any more

Hairballs,

f

OMG OF THE WEEK

Greetings Hairballers,

Reporters covering Sarah Palin’s book signing at Wal-Mart, were herded off and kept in a guarded room away from Palin and the public.

Begs the questions:  Why did reporters bother trying to cover this?

                            Wal-Mart and Palin are a perfect combination, don’t you think?

Also proves my point that many times we are better off sitting quietly, drinking coffee, or something stronger, while reading a magazine alone.

Here’s the link:

http://jimromenesko.com/2013/11/14/reporters-covering-sarah-palin-book-signing-are-locked-in-a-room-at-walmart/

There are hairballs flying all over this one!

f

Movable Art and Shattered Nerves

Greeting Hairballers,

Today, a lament, a woe-is-me, a wallow.

I beg your indulgence.  Apartment living at it’s lowest.  Well, not quite, but…

 Movable Art and Shattered Nerves©

         FMHorner

canvases hanging on the wall,

more decor than art,

meant as static things--

stay put and match the couch

a band moved in downstairs

now the paintings quake and roll

like a bad acid trip

lending vertigo to the mix

trees quiver from the bass

that comes up through the walls

as mountains, from far off China,

threaten to topple onto the TV

menopause man,

in black spandex shorts and red headband,

runs up and down the stairway

outside my door

he calls it exercise

I call it annoying

buy a sports car or

get a shot

my sanctuary of tranquility

gone to hell.  I feel

like a prisoner of war--

only I’m paying for this

Hairballs to them,

f

OMG OF THE WEEK

Greetings,

It's National Cat Day, which must be orgasmic for the feline obsessed.

Here's The Bench working on his book:

SHIT HAPPENS

Greeting Hairballers.

The recent government shutdown, caused when the Dementors pulled a hissy fit over people getting health care, got me thinking. 

There is so much in life we can’t control--hurricanes, blizzards, floods, Facebook and Congress.  Hello Moses. There’s another plague and it’s called Congress here in the U S of A--those elected representatives of the people, who like monkeys in the zoo, throw turds in our faces.  About this, we could do something by voting them out--that especially means you, who vote against your own interests.

However, most of us spend our lives being innocent bystanders in the great game. Imagine this short trip to the grocery store.

SHIT HAPPENS©

         FMHorner

a chunk of blue ice

falls from a passing plane,

landing on the top of your head

you hovered above the site

watching the curious stare

at the former you

what if you’d worn a helmet? right

like everyone expects to be hit on the head

by frozen shit dropping from the sky

too late now,

innocent bystander,

you’re dead and

wondering what  to do—

it’s embarrassing

and scary

death didn’t come with

an instruction manual,

you got zilch, again

the ultimate shut down

P.S.  If there are ads scrolling before your eyes, you know where you’re headed--Facebook purgatory.  Maybe death isn’t that different after all.

Hairballs,

f