SALLY GETS STUCK AT LUNCH

Greeting Hairballers,

A friend recently traveled up north, that’s anywhere above South Carolina to those of us in Florida, to house and cat sit for relatives who’d gone to Europe.  In this case Michigan, 20 miles out of town.

Because her dog got sick during the trip, she was pretty much stuck in the house with a few forages into civilization.

I have close friends in the wilds of Maryland, who are far more interesting and fun than the folks Sally ran into. If I go north, look out Maryland, here I come.

Here’s Sally’s story or at least my take on it.

SALLY GETS STUCK AT LUNCH©

         FMHorner

gathering for lunch

is a weekly ritual

for the ladies on the street

my invitation to join

came as a surprise

being an out-of-towner

only visiting for 3 weeks

to house sit for a cousin

who’d gone to France

the banter began with

talk of kitchen appliances

and moved on to reality TV

I Pads and phones hit the table

as the conversation shifted

to grandchildren and families

ohs and ahs were exclaimed at a

picture of little junior

graduating from pre-K

who the hell graduates from pre-K?

I ask myself--

they sleep through it

one woman complained

over and over

about the pain in her arm

at last, something to which I could relate

because this lunch

was a pain in the ass

Hairballs indeed,

f

DUMB BASTARD AWARD FOR MAY

The award goes to:  Donald Sterling, former or present owner of the Los Angeles Clippers, depending on the status by the time I push the publish button.

Sterling made racist remarks that became public recently, mainly because he was jealous that his girl friend was in the company of Magic Johnson.  Sterling further demeaned Magic Johnson, who, as far as I know, is quite a humanitarian.

The NBA banned Sterling from the team and the sport for life and is attempting to force the sale of the team.

Mrs. Sterling, the estranged wife of Donald Sterling, and the Sterling Trust sold the team to Steve Ballmer for $2 billion, pending approval of the other owners.  I’d like to insult someone and make $2 billion.

Here’s where it gets crazier.  The agreement made by the Trust with the NBA states that the Trust would be responsible for any lawsuits that occur.

Donald Sterling is suing the NBA for $1 billion, which means he is suing himself!!

Here’s a link to a story on Fox Sports:  http://msn.foxsports.com/nba/story/report-donald-sterling-to-sue-nba-for-1-billion-053014

Rich and stupid?

Hairballs, the soap opera continues….

f

SITTING BY THE BAY

Greetings Hairballers,

It’s Memorial Day weekend, the official start of summer, unless you count the solstice, which I do.  In an attempt to commune with nature (a place to which I am allergic), I walked over to the waterside of my complex to sit by Tampa Bay.  I’m inside now with the air conditioning blasting and the Yankees winning on TV--back in my comfort zone., it's 90 degrees.

Here’s my experience:

SITTING BY THE BAY©

         FMHorner

A pelican lands on the pilings

looking bored as he

stares over the water

a woman comes by

with a yappy little dog

straining at the leash

the pelican takes flight

the dog keeps yapping

as they move on

a blue jay replaces the pelican

calling out to his mate

who is off foraging

then a fisherman appears

with pole, tackle box, bucket

and battery radio

I hear the strains of

honky-tonk laments

the blue jay retreats

so do I

nature is

very noisy

Hairballs,

f

OMG OF THE WEEK

Marco Rubio is running for president and doesn't believe in climate change.

Will his campaign slogan be--"SMOKE STACKS ARE US?"

Coughing up hairballs,

f

Off Rt. 19 in North County

Greetings Hairballers,

Seems I’ll be moving, yet again, in December when my lease is up.  This place is getting weird and expensive--not a good combination.

I’ve been in Florida almost 13 years, not counting a year back in DC because I was homesick.  The first ten were spent in the suburbs.  No, not the charming little towns like Dunedin and Tarpon Springs in Florida or Chevy Case and Bethesda around DC, the burbs. The main drag out there was Rt. 19, a cross between the Jersey Turnpike and Rockville Pike, populated by car dealerships, pawn shops, auto body works, chain restaurants, etc.--no trees or grass.  There were miles of housing developments, where the homeowners associations kept everything same, same, same.  If someone came home drunk, they probably had to sleep in their car because they couldn’t identify their house. 

I like being in the woods, at the beach or in town.  I’m a square peg anyway but especially in the burbs with all the school buses and Wal-Marts.

Here’s my take on it--

Off Rt. 19 in North County©

         FMHorner

Roots never grew in

the shifting sands of that polyester paradise,

where all was illusion.

A façade that lured the speedo-wearing tourists,

seeking sun and sand,

but who never saw beyond their beach hotels or Spanish moss.

What allure the plastic palm adorning the Jiffy Lube,

or the cardboard Elvis by the entrance to the bingo parlor

in a shabby strip mall next door?

The tropical beauty stayed hidden behind the walls

of gated communities and private estates with signs

that read:  Private--Do Not Enter Here

Hairballs,

f

DUMB BASTARD AWARD April 2014

Greetings Hairballers,

I’m late on this.  There has been so much awfulness in April that I’ve had trouble picking a winner without being preachy.

The award goes to:  Mayor Rob Ford of Toronto and anyone who votes him back into office.

Ford has taken a leave of absence to deal with his alcohol and cocaine addictions yet he is still running for re-election!

Are you going to put this cartoon character back in office Toronto?  No, you can’t have Yosemite Sam, he’s already a member of the U.S. House of Representatives.

Hairballs varmints!

f