Here’s to You Norma Jean

Greetings Hairballers,

Returning my hair to its natural state, which at this point is platinum, got me thinking.  Oy. 

Here’s to You Norma Jean©

        

         FMHorner

They made you into the person we called Marilyn Monroe, a sex goddess of the silver screen--all platinum blonde, Happy Birthday Mr. President and Joe DiMaggio.  Every female wanted to look like you.

My 14-year old mind devised plan.  A platinum-washout rinse would transform me.  It didn’t.

That night, our band took the field at half time and it started to rain.  My rinse was a washout as purple rivers streamed down my uniform.  Trying to keep in step while laughing, I almost swallowed by clarinet.  I had become Daffy Duck.

Ah Norma Jean, I never became Marilyn Monroe and neither did you.  Early one morning you left us, on your own terms.  All we had left were memories of the phantom Marilyn and Joe DiMaggio.

Hairballs,

f

Hair Club for Cats

Greetings Hairballers,

Cat owners will relate.  After a month of chewing off his fur and throwing up hairballs, the cat Benchley went to the wonderful Dr. Kelly.  A steroid shot and a dose of antibiotics has him back to himself--self-absorbed and in charge.  Of course, his major league baseball career is over and I expect he may start channeling a few of the recent greats.

Hair Club for Cats©

         FMHorner

Is your cat over grooming, pulling out all its fur?  The solution is here.  Skip those costly veterinarian visits and join Hair Club of Cats.

For the low cost of $19.95 per month, you will receive a bag of cat hair (in four luxurious colors) and a roll of double faced tape delivered directly to your mailbox.  No more bald spots--your cat will look attractive and healthy--perfect for those pictures on your Facebook page.

As a special bonus, if you join in the next 24 hours, we will include, absolutely free (except for tax, shipping and handling-$39.95) a can of Yak B Gone, a $40.00 value.  This amazing new carpet cleaner is guaranteed to remove pet stains by dissolving your rug down to the floor.

Call today at:  WTF-HCC-SUCK-ext. ER and enter the code GAG to start your membership.

Have your credit card ready--our operators are standing by.

Hairballs indeed,

f

A Coven of Turkeys

Hairball Gazette Jan 25 2015

Greetings Hairballers,

Today, a musing on a personal experience from last week.

A Coven of Turkeys©

         FMHorner

Circling ‘round in the middle of the street, a coven of turkeys, tails fanned, chanting an incantation in their ancient tongue.

Traffic at a standstill, no horns blaring, everyone mesmerized--the turkeys oblivious to the busy, busy, busy of our day-to-day lives.

I’m going to be late and no one will believe me.

I’ll tell them my arm was stuck in the blood pressure cup at the supermarket

--that should do it.

Hairballs to all,

f

Will you still love me tomorrow?

Greetings Hairballers,

Today there was a grand kumbaya moment in Paris, where thousands gathered in solidarity against the murders of innocents this week.

Given the treatment of minorities and ethnic groups, not only in France, but also around the world, Tom asks the question--

Will you still love me tomorrow?

Hairballs,

f