SLAP SHOT TO BAT

Time to lighten up a little. 

Conversations these days often turn to moves to the country. You know the places—two-lane roads, no sidewalks or street-lights, trees, deer, septic tanks and no cell phone service.   My friend, Dave, did just that.  After complaining for weeks about how his septic tank couldn’t handle a garbage disposal, he related this little story. Ah, the joys of country living.

Here’s my take.  Enjoy.

SLAP SHOT TO BAT©

         FMHorner

there’s a bat in the house

weather’s changing

that always brings them in

not a problem

turn on the porch light

open the door

what?

it’s heading for my office

get the broom

flip the light switch

the ceiling fan starts to spin

and there it is

hanging on like a bull rider

going round and round

on the carousel from hell

with one swift blow, the fan

is transformed to

an abstract air moving device

the blades rattling

like a cheap mobile

but the bat dodges my knocks

and lands on a picture

above my desk,

a nice watercolor

slam, I got it, but the frame

falls to the floor

glass shattering everywhere

now the winged vermin

is flying to the kitchen

I follow, crunching shards as I go

the jug-eared vampire

swoops behind the frig

ha-ha, now I’ve got ya

damn, the broom won’t fit

get the vacuum

and suck it out

my trusty Hoover

roars into action

as I aim the nozzle

somehow,

the hose to the

icemaker falls off

water is spewing

all over the floor

but, where is the bat?

there it is

sliding around

trying to gain traction

I aim a slap shot

and the bat whizzes

out the door onto the porch

my hockey career has ended

now if I only had a Zamboni

to clean up the mess.

For Dave H.  Thanks for the laugh. Hope that your life on Walden Pond has improved.

Till next week, Hairballs to all,

F