COVER LETTER TO AN AGENT

To all the Hairballers in harms way of this storm—stay safe, my thoughts are with you.

Unpublished writers, and maybe some published ones as well, fear the cover letter—second only to the dreaded synopsis.  It’s harder to write than the novel itself.  Stephen King can scribble a little note:  “Bruce, here’s the book.  Steve”  The rest of us...

Here’s my fantasy letter:

Cover Letter to an Agent©

         FMHorner

Dear judge of all that is written,

with your glasses perched

at the end of your nose

coffee steaming at your elbow

and red pen poised to strike

like a snake coiled on a rock,

my success or failure

rests in your quivering hand

which will it be?

I hope this finds you

in a good mood

and that all is well

that you aren’t hung-over,

your kids weren’t busted

or your computer fried

it is my fervent wish

that your in-laws aren’t visiting

and that the new diet worked.

Here’s my stuff,

it’s brilliant, you’ll like it,

is that short enough?

The whole megillha

in two paragraphs or less—

well, sort of.

Enclosed is the

self-addressed, stamped

envelope you require,

you can steam off the stamp

and reject something else

since you’ll be keeping mine.

Watch for a new Dumb Bastard Award on Thursday.

Hairballs to all,

f