Greetings Hairballers,
Recently, I had a call from someone who proceeded to tell
me about a colonoscopy that was undergone by a person I didn’t know and never
will--something like her Mother’s neighbor’s third cousin’s ex-husband. Sounds like one of those chain emails we
trash. Though she delivered a
blow-by-blow account with the gusto of a sports announcer, I was lost right
after the word enema, when my mind glazed over and I started to think of it as
one of the Viking River Cruises. So,
here we go.
CRUSING UP THE ANAL
CANAL©
FMHorner
days of evacuating
preceded the event,
a requirement of
necessity,
no bathroom breaks
on this adventure,
so leave home without
it.
the big day arrived
and our barge was
ready
to depart
the little vessel
entered the canal
headed for the
beautiful blue river,
which is actually
brown--how appropriate
our little ship is equipped
with a breaker device
to snip off and bag polyps,
the equivalent
of ice floes that
might be
encountered on the
voyage.
alas, we were brought
to a halt
by one embedded
half way up the gut
but the blockage was
dealt with quickly
and
we were once more on
our way.
at last our boat
arrived
at the throat of the
river,
our destination…
fortunately, the
scenery was missed
by all but the
captain,
who seemed bored,
having taken this
cruise hundreds of
times before
with different
passengers,
mission accomplished
he proclaimed,
turning our boat around
for the return trip
to Port Anus,
were it all began
Colonoscopy Cruises
are taking reservations for the spring of 2014.
This is a serious medical procedure and not to be taken
lightly. It has saved thousands of
lives. It’s just not a subject most of
us wish to discuss, especially over dinner.
Now, if someone would just call and talk about the start of hockey
season instead, I’d be a happy camper.
Hairballs,
f
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