OMG OF THE WEEK

Greetings,

It's National Cat Day, which must be orgasmic for the feline obsessed.

Here's The Bench working on his book:

SHIT HAPPENS

Greeting Hairballers.

The recent government shutdown, caused when the Dementors pulled a hissy fit over people getting health care, got me thinking. 

There is so much in life we can’t control--hurricanes, blizzards, floods, Facebook and Congress.  Hello Moses. There’s another plague and it’s called Congress here in the U S of A--those elected representatives of the people, who like monkeys in the zoo, throw turds in our faces.  About this, we could do something by voting them out--that especially means you, who vote against your own interests.

However, most of us spend our lives being innocent bystanders in the great game. Imagine this short trip to the grocery store.

SHIT HAPPENS©

         FMHorner

a chunk of blue ice

falls from a passing plane,

landing on the top of your head

you hovered above the site

watching the curious stare

at the former you

what if you’d worn a helmet? right

like everyone expects to be hit on the head

by frozen shit dropping from the sky

too late now,

innocent bystander,

you’re dead and

wondering what  to do—

it’s embarrassing

and scary

death didn’t come with

an instruction manual,

you got zilch, again

the ultimate shut down

P.S.  If there are ads scrolling before your eyes, you know where you’re headed--Facebook purgatory.  Maybe death isn’t that different after all.

Hairballs,

f

OMG OF THE WEEK

Greetings Hairballers,

A little something from down here in the "gunshine state."

Beverly Young, widow of Congressman Bill Young, has sent emails to three Florida Democrats--Charlie Crist, Charlie Justice and Jessica Ehrlich, telling them that their presence at her husband’s funeral would be unacceptable.

That certainly lowers the hypocrisy quotient on one side--the other one, not so much.

Rest in peace Congressman Young, your friends and relatives sure aren’t.

Here’s the link to the Tampa Bay Times story:

http://www.tampabay.com/news/politics/stateroundup/cw-bill-youngs-widow-to-charlie-crist-stay-away-from-memorial-service/2148460

Holy hairballs,

f

Anti-Social Media

Greetings Hairballers,

Did this cartoon in the 90s at the beginning of the cell phone craze.  People were rude and annoying but at least they were still talking to each other.  Today, folks don't talk they text, tweet, Facebook, etc.  All very self-absorbed--look what I did, where I went, what I bought!!  Social media is anit-social media designed to feed our own egos and avoid human contact.  We're going down hill.

Hairballs
f

DUMB BASTARD AWARD FOR SEPTEMBER

Greetings Hairballers,

We’ve made it to October and it’s time for another Dumb Bastard Award.

None of my friends has dropped a cell phone in the toilet or tried to silence a smoke alarm with a sledgehammer--been a rather calm month on the home front.

As a result, I’m breaking one of my own rules and awarding the DBA to politicians.  Now, I realize saying dumb bastard and politician in the same sentence is redundant but here we go.  The award goes to:

The Tea Party, GOP and the ring-wing-nuts who voted for them, as they have now shut down our government.

Did you know that some of the tea party members of the house announced that their goal, upon arriving on Capitol Hill, was to shut down the government?

Extortion or anarchy?

Government of the people, for the people…. When does that start?

May it rain hairballs upon them forever,

F

p.s.  Hockey season starts today.  If Congress had a commissioner like the NHL and the same rules it might just work.  After spending time in the penalty box and a couple 10-day suspensions without pay, maybe they would start doing their jobs.

We are, their employers.  Would you're employer put up with such behavior?

OMG OF THE WEEK

The GOP (greedy old party) is threatening to shut down the government unless Obamacare is defunded!

This is extortion and the last time I checked, it was against the law.

If we are talking about congress with regard to the government, it’s been shut down for years.

This level of greed and selfishness is stunning.   Maybe they’re afraid their payoffs will stop.

It’s raining hairballs!

f

CRUSING UP THE ANAL CANAL

Greetings Hairballers,

Recently, I had a call from someone who proceeded to tell me about a colonoscopy that was undergone by a person I didn’t know and never will--something like her Mother’s neighbor’s third cousin’s ex-husband.  Sounds like one of those chain emails we trash.  Though she delivered a blow-by-blow account with the gusto of a sports announcer, I was lost right after the word enema, when my mind glazed over and I started to think of it as one of the Viking River Cruises.  So, here we go.

CRUSING UP THE ANAL CANAL©

         FMHorner

days of evacuating

preceded the event,

a requirement of necessity,

no bathroom breaks

on this adventure,

so leave home without it.

the big day arrived

and our barge was ready

to depart

the little vessel entered the canal

headed for the beautiful blue river,

which is actually brown--how appropriate

our little ship is equipped

with a breaker device

to snip off and bag polyps,

the equivalent

of ice floes that might be

encountered on the voyage.

alas, we were brought to a halt

by one embedded

half way up the gut

but the blockage was

dealt with quickly and

we were once more on our way.

at last our boat arrived

at the throat of the river,

our destination…

fortunately, the scenery was missed

by all but the captain,

who seemed bored,

having taken this

cruise hundreds of times before

with different passengers,

mission accomplished

he proclaimed,

turning our boat around

for the return trip

to Port Anus,

were it all began

Colonoscopy Cruises are taking reservations for the spring of 2014.

This is a serious medical procedure and not to be taken lightly.  It has saved thousands of lives.  It’s just not a subject most of us wish to discuss, especially over dinner.  Now, if someone would just call and talk about the start of hockey season instead, I’d be a happy camper.

Hairballs,

f