Greetings Hairballers,
Wow, December is over, which means--time for the last Dumb
Bastard Award of 2013. Brace yourselves--this is a rant.
The award goes to:
Television news (and by default, the berserkers who made the stories
possible). They got it wrong, didn’t
report it, insulted people, talked to hear themselves and, occasionally,
reported some actual news.
How can we forget Megyn Kelly of Fox News ruining Christmas
for thousands of children by saying Santa, a make-believe figure, is white and
white only. Why bring it up? She also said Jesus was white but at least
she didn’t deny he was a Jew. Maybe
imaginary Santa left a turd in her stocking.
Lumps of coal are so 19th Century.
There were daily reports of maniacal shoppers over taking
malls in order to max out their credit cards for “bargains,” while fighting
over such hot items as towels! Loved the
clip of the 4 people camped out in tents at Best Buy on Thanksgiving only to
discover, when told by the on-camera guy, that the store was open. Guess TV news was useful there.
Weather was big and we did have some pretty bad storms. Of course, the folks impacted by these didn’t
have electricity so they missed all the reports--see some good comes from everything. And speaking of coal--if imaginary Santa had brought
you weather beaten people some, it would have been helpful. How’s that new flat screen working for you?
The UPS delivery screw up was actually news but we saw the
clip of a woman in Chicago moaning about how her live lobsters arrived two days
after Christmas five times. Thank goodness it wasn’t something trivial
like medicine. The lobsters were still alive
and kicking so maybe they were kept as family pets. Look for the pet lobster-naming
competition on Facebook? Or, some TV station running a contest and giving the
winner a free I Pad, which they can use as soon as the electricity comes back
on.
The Target credit and debit card theft was big real news
here in the U.S. and probably ruined the holidays for thousands of people. So how do you feel about that 40-inch flat
screen you got for your 11-year old at the Black Friday sale at Target? Did the
new TV represent the Frankincense, Myrrh or Gold? Have they broken it yet?
Then we all saw, over and over and over, those clips of
Miley Cyrus shoving her bum at people! That
is if your new flat screen had electricity or ran on coal.
Of course, we had daily videos of children sitting on fake
Santa’s lap bawling--“please Mommy, don’t make me sit on the fat pervert.”
Healthcare.gov--the schadenfreude story of the season. We here on the Gulf Coast of Florida got to
see the same man in Largo FL trying to log on every day for a week--either the
same clip or he hadn’t moved or changed his clothes. It’s Florida.
Unemployment benefits ran out and Congress ran out of town. TV
didn’t bring that up until the night before.
Perhaps if some of the tube-talkers had mentioned it earlier, Congress would
have noticed. Probably not.
Although Duck Dynasty proved Gentlemen’s Quarterly is
no longer a men’s fashion magazine, we still have newspapers--real or
online. Most will take us beyond the
headlines to the truth of the matter.
Try them, you’ll like them.
I’m finished, deep sigh.
We award December Hairballs to TV news and the berserkers
who made the stories.
Best wishes for a Happy, Healthy and Prosperous New Year to
all you Hairballers out there.
f
