HAIRBALL GAZETTE SPECIAL June 23 3014
What Fresh Snell is
This--News from Termite Terrace
Greetings Hairballers,
The place was sold and I hope the new owners got a
fixer-upper price. The new management
company is Burton Carol, the owners remain a mystery by I would not be surprised
if it’s the Koch brothers.
All correspondence is now issued from the BC headquarters
and I’ve noticed they can use words longer than two syllables and do not
attempt to be cute.
The initial letter was a four-page introduction. In this,
they used the term “extremely excited” three times on the first page. I had visions of people standing around their
offices panting and shaking. As any
decent writer knows, it’s really, really bad to use the deadly “lys.” Point.
I suggest using only excited in the first instance, orgasmic for the
second and the third, which refers to keeping the present manager, nauseous.
Our rent varies from month to month because of the addition
of water, trash and sewer. They have
eliminated direct debt and we have a choice of writing a check and using the
mail or paying by phone at a charge of $19.95.
If the check is lost in the mail, a late charge is applied. Of course, you can’t pay anything until you
receive the bill. There are no mailboxes
on Snell Isle, so it’s a ride in the car to the post office or UPS store--sort
like the Well Fargo Wagon. That is why
I’m thinking Koch Brothers.
It gets better.
Today we were informed that the entire complex would be
painted. Good. We were also told that the sand volleyball
court would be removed. No more tits and
ass in the hood.
Da, da, da, da--the entire complex has termites!!!! Thus the new name, Termite Terrace, which I
stole from the great animators of Warner Brothers of old. Yurts on the Bay
works well too.
But back to the termites.
Everyone will receive a $100 rent credit for August so they can stay at
a hotel while the place is being tented.
The cat, Benchley, and I are staying with the Gailey’s because there is
no hotel for $100 a night that doesn’t rent by the hour.
People are moving out at a rapid clip. My lease ends in 191 days--I’ve put a counter
on my phone.
Let’s hope my bathroom ceiling hold that long because
there’s a leak up stairs and I’m having trouble getting it fixed.
Hacking up Hairballs,
f
3 comments:
they did away with pay online? that's just stupid! and what's the office for? cant you pay rent in person?
**shakes head**
Termite Terrace indeed.
Good luck with your 'vacation'! I am sure Mr. Benchley will love being relocated.
Just when you thought it couldn't get any worse...
Having to mail the rent check is just ridiculous in this day and age. So is $100 for a hotel. Glad you can stay with a friend. Save the $ for your moving fund!
You have SO much fun, Ferne! Who ever said life would be easy?
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