OMG OF THE WEEK

Mark Sanford, the directionally challenged, disgraced former governor of South Carolina has announced he will run for the Senate.

You may remember that he deserted his state saying he would be hiking the Appalachian Trail and was found “walking the beach,” in Argentina with his soul mate.

Notes to Mr. Sanford:  Argentina is a separate country so if you run for Senate from there it doesn’t count here.  Since you are not a citizen of Argentina, it doesn’t count there either.  You are not Juan Peron.

Hairballs to South Carolinians if you vote for him again.  

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A PRIORITY OF URGES

Greetings Hairballers,

Urges--we all have them.  Here's a little hairball for your enjoyment that came from a visit with a friend back home in DC.

A PRIORITY OF URGES©

         FMHorner

urges come, not necessarily

in order of importance

seldom

at a convenient time.

walk in the door

it’s too hot for your coat

toss it on the floor

rush toward the bathroom

because you have to pee

but you crave a cigarette—desperately

fireworks going off outside

you see them from the balcony.

still, you have to pee.

go in miss the fireworks

stay out, be miserable.  which?

so, outside it is and it’s cold

the coat lies on the living room floor

the cigarette you need is in your hand

the lighter on the desk inside

still you have to pee and

the phone is ringing, ignore it,

let the call go to the machine

but, it could be mr. right

than again, it might be mr. wrong

and still, you have to pee—desperately.

Is this easy for anyone?

Hairballs to all until later this week when the crazy politicians set my teeth on edge and we have an OMG.

By the way, the NHL is back starting Saturday.

f

High School Daze

Greetings Hairballers,

During the last meeting of my former writing group, Gordon the Dull-Yet Tactless informed everyone, upon hearing my offering, that he wrote that sort of thing when he was in high school.  What a helpful critique!

Under hockey rules, Gordon would have gotten an unsportsmanlike penalty.  I would have gotten tossed for hitting him over the head with my stick.  So is the pen mightier than the sword but not the stick?

Don’t know where I’ll get my inspiration now.  Guess I’ll always have Congress.

How much inspiration can I take?

To commemorate this little event, I’ve pulled out my inner sophomore.  Here goes.  Oh, and I’ve tossed four quarters in the carping cup for making it an issue.

High School Daze©

         FMHORNER

Memories of teenage years

can make me smile or cringe

I for one am glad they came

and went and will not return again

senior proms and bee hive hair

and shoes that matched my skirt

*slips that kept sliding down

because I’m short and had to rolled them up

watching American Bandstand,

the required activity of the day,

and lamenting that I wasn’t like

Annette—my young life in ruins

‘til Friday night dances at the CYO,

they had the best rock n’ roll in town,

and smoking cigarettes in the girls,

where Father Alfred dare not go

raging hormones, bad hair days

and constant attention to my clothes

kept me occupied and

writing free

except for home work and

those thank you notes my Mother insisted

that I compose or

be thought a barbaric troll

         (true story):

Dear Aunt Jeanne,

Thank you for the sweetshirt (yes, that’s how I spelled it).  I like it a lot and it’s very nice.

Thank you,

Your niece, Ferne

P.S.  the cat threw up on it and Mom doesn’t know if she can get the vomit out.

I knew it all back then

everyone else was wrong

too young to realize wisdom comes

with age and exposure to the world

with MAD and SEVENTEEN my bibles,

I studied hard and hung on every word

shallow was time consuming-work

but with dedication came success

until the 60s arrived and changed all that

“hell no, we won’t go…”

not now, that’s for another time

-------

*do they still make slips?  does anyone own one?

Hairballs to it all.  Stay curious.

OMG OF THE WEEK

There’s so much but the most egregious non-action is that House Speaker Boehner, took the bill to approve relief for victims of hurricane Sandy off the table and adjourned.

Like everyone else, I’m stunned.   The bipartisan anger reverberates through the country.

Bipartisan anger!  Perhaps that's what it takes.

Hairballs to him and his cronies. 

DUMB BASTARD AWARD FOR DECEMBER

Happy New Year Hairballers.  Here it is, the last award of 2012.

First runner up:  Hobby Lobby for trying to get the Supreme Court to declare it a religious organization so they could discriminate against women by not providing birth control as part of its health insurance package.  Bravo to the Court for reminding them that they are an arts and crafts store.  Need a “balls of the month,” award.  Hey Hobby Lobby--you don't sell salvation, you sell glue sticks.

This came through early in December and there was no way there could be competition.  Expect she doesn’t believe in that biology thing either. Let’s hope that she doesn’t reproduce.

Dumb Bastard Award for December and Life Time Achievement goes to:

Woman Anonymous from Facebook who said:

"I believe in the pastor's words.  We should isolate all gays to prevent them from reproducing."