If you weren’t watching 24-hour cable news during the events
of the Boston Marathon, you’re either smarter than most or living under a
rock—both have their merits.
The TV news-show hosts were positively orgasmic. The pontificators (some say gas bags) didn’t
have to discuss wars, economics and Congress. For these one-trick ponies when
news breaks, all other events cease.
Here’s a sample script of how a show could have gone and did
for the most part. I’ve made it up,
these people do not exist so don’t get your knickers in a twist.
Bert – Self-important
news-show host
Ted – Former
government profiler and now big deal instant expert
Dr. Fred – Official
medical expert for cable news station
Bert: (face turns red with veins sticking out on
his forehead, outraged tone
to his voice)
Tell me Ted, could an American have done this?
Ted: (Calm with a slightly superior look on his
face)
Why yes, Bert. Americans are shooting each other all the
time.
Bert: (Shakes his
head and looks sad—clue to audience to be sad)
I just don’t understand why anyone would
do such a thing.
Bert: Ted, what’s he thinking about right now?
Ted: I don’t know.
Probably about how he’s going to manage to get away.
Bert: Do you think the suspect is hungry? Where is he getting food?
Ted: I don’t know, Bert.
Bert: There’s a rumor on the Internet that
Preposterous Pizzas has delivered
a large pepperoni with extra cheese to
an undisclosed location. Do you
think
it’s for the suspect?
Ted: If it’s an undisclosed location, it’s
probably for the former Vice
President. He’s been there for a
long time and I suspect he’s hungry.
Bert: (Looking incredulous)
But he’s not Vice President any more.
Ted: I don’t think anyone told him because no one
knows were he’s staying.
Bert: We have to take a break. Our next guest will be Dr. Fred, our own medical
expert.
Commercial break
Bert: (Showing excitement at the thought of blood
and gore)
Dr. Fred thanks for being with us.
Is this guy injured and how badly?
Dr. Fred: I don’t know, Bert. He could be but then again, maybe not
Bert: (Showing frustration while running his hands
through his hair)
That’s all for me folks. Our
coverage continues now with Mark.
Oh, did you hear another station got the suspect’s description wrong.
Moderator: In other news, the sun came up this morning,
it rained
somewhere in the world and France is
still in Europe. Now back to our
constant coverage of the breaking news.
Commercial break
#
What happened in Boston was horrible. We don’t need childish, time-fillers to tell
us to be outraged and sad. How about
some straight, old-fashioned news for a change?
Cable news has become more like the psychic network with all the unanswerable
speculation. For me, I’ll stick to
watching hockey. There, at least I know
a goal when I see one and I can ignore the guys who tell why.
Hairballs,
f
1 comment:
You hit the nail right on the head!
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